Sunday, January 24, 2010


 The past few months have been the hardest — harder than getting sober 15 years ago. My family seems to be disconnected, and I have been unable to communicate with the people I live with, or anyone around me (only those in recovery, who seem to be on a deeper level.) Everyone else thinks I'm attacking them when I simply ask a question or speak to them. I feel I'm from another planet. It is so hard having to take care of everyone's moods and moodswings.  Can't live this way anymore.

"Put down the microscope and pick up the mirror," is one of the best sayings in Alanon. "Detach with love and SHUT YOUR MOUTH," are other ones. In recovery/12-step programs we learn to detach with love from other people's abuse, garbage and accusations. We learn to stop controlling others and stop nagging, whining, worrying, begging and complaining.  Each person has his/her own higher power. The only thing we can control is our own attitude.  I don't have to respond the same old way. I don't have to react to the crazy things they say, or engage in tit-for-tat arguments.  "Say it once, be agreeable and walk away."  If someone doesn't get me, or see that I have good intentions, no matter how garbled, or messy it comes out... or if they are abusive to me, I can quietly leave the room.

The most important thing is to be grounded and strong for the children living in this house. I need to not panic or be frantic when no one is doing homework, or when teenagers are shouting the "F" word at me. Teenagers are not nice people, but I can choose to leave the room and not tolerate assholishness.

Today on the I-10, a car in the very next lane in on-coming traffic flipped over two times and it's hood flew off onto our lane. It seemed to rise up and fly over the top of our car, with metal debris flying all over the place.  It was like watching a movie. I looked back and was astonished that the car didn't hit anyone else. My husband was shell-shocked; he was sure the driver and passengers had been killed.

We are working with Trish Steele and — the organization that saves abused women's live and gives them extreme life makeovers.

God Bless everyone. Hang in there and FOCUS ON THE GOOD. When I turn my thoughts to love and good, the right actions become apparent. The main idea is to get selfishness out of the way and just ask "How can I be of love and service to those around me?" Charity begins at home.