The past few months have been the hardest — harder than getting sober 15 years ago. My family seems to be disconnected, and I have been unable to communicate with the people I live with, or anyone around me (only those in recovery, who seem to be on a deeper level.) Everyone else thinks I'm attacking them when I simply ask a question or speak to them. I feel I'm from another planet. It is so hard having to take care of everyone's moods and moodswings. Can't live this way anymore.
"Put down the microscope and pick up the mirror," is one of the best sayings in Alanon. "Detach with love and SHUT YOUR MOUTH," are other ones. In recovery/12-step programs we learn to detach with love from other people's abuse, garbage and accusations. We learn to stop controlling others and stop nagging, whining, worrying, begging and complaining. Each person has his/her own higher power. The only thing we can control is our own attitude. I don't have to respond the same old way. I don't have to react to the crazy things they say, or engage in tit-for-tat arguments. "Say it once, be agreeable and walk away." If someone doesn't get me, or see that I have good intentions, no matter how garbled, or messy it comes out... or if they are abusive to me, I can quietly leave the room.
The most important thing is to be grounded and strong for the children living in this house. I need to not panic or be frantic when no one is doing homework, or when teenagers are shouting the "F" word at me. Teenagers are not nice people, but I can choose to leave the room and not tolerate assholishness.
Today on the I-10, a car in the very next lane in on-coming traffic flipped over two times and it's hood flew off onto our lane. It seemed to rise up and fly over the top of our car, with metal debris flying all over the place. It was like watching a movie. I looked back and was astonished that the car didn't hit anyone else. My husband was shell-shocked; he was sure the driver and passengers had been killed.
We are working with Trish Steele and http://www.SafePassageHome.org — the organization that saves abused women's live and gives them extreme life makeovers.
God Bless everyone. Hang in there and FOCUS ON THE GOOD. When I turn my thoughts to love and good, the right actions become apparent. The main idea is to get selfishness out of the way and just ask "How can I be of love and service to those around me?" Charity begins at home.
LYDIA CORNELL: AFI Best Actress Nominee, People's Choice Award winner; Actor, Writer, Director, Producer; woman and children advocate; teen mentor, comedienne, talk show host, inspirational pubic speaker best known for her starring role on ABC's "Too Close for Comfort" as TV legend Ted Knight's daughter 'Sara'; HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, and over 250 shows, episodes and movies worldwide. Turns tragedy into comedy, life-saving issues for women and equal pay for equal work...
All I can say is a live in houseguest on your couch is a good way to strain a marriage. Maybe finding other accommodations for would be helpful.
ReplyDeleteTeeluck/Mike/Lydia, you follow this stuff more passionately/diligently than I do. Whatever happened to the Wyden-Bennett health care proposal from last year/2008? From what I can gather, that plan would have gotten, not just 60 votes in the Senate but possibly 70. It just kind of dosappeared.
ReplyDeleteNothing is wrong in Lydia's home, believe me.
ReplyDeleteNobody is using the "F" word.
Nobody is having marital problems.
Nobody is sleeping on a couch.
All is fine.
And how would you know that?
ReplyDeleteassholishness, I like that one, Lydia. I also like numbskullery and nincompoopishness.....Among others.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - thank you for reminding me of the Law of Life. That good is the only reality. You are obviously a master metaphysician (which is the way of Christ) and see reality as the opposite of our limited, negative mortal view.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, you are correct and this is how I should be seeing it. for I am a student of metaphysics. There are no problems, only challenges that teach us what needs to be healed. Only the love and the good things are real.
There is lovely teacher/angel sleeping on our couch and my teenagers do use the "F" word. But they are using it less and less, the higher I hold them up.
Lydia, I know you are going through a hard time, but be happy to be alive and that's all. For now... We did not bring anything when we came to this world, and we will carry nothing physical when we leave. Things/people have to run their own courses, from hard times to disease to death. Don't stress over them as they all came to Earth to do many things... their own things, so don't fight too hard to change people.
ReplyDeleteWhen you stop path A from proceeding, then you do not get the good results of that path later down the road. You end up on path B and a different set of results. Change what you can within reason, If you try to save everyone from themselves, including the teenagers, you will be doing them a disservice as they will not get into the bad situations that they need, to learn things, you will be putting them on their path B...instead, leave them on their path A...within reason. I learned about life that way, and it works, the bad things teach you. Regarding the hubby, let things stay quiet for some time, give him time and space, to feel his inner self, while you do take time for your own self,then things usually gradually unfolds and you both see your paths more clearly. Which could mean staying together or not, but remember that life is the more precious thing... not relationships. Some people are dependent on relationships to live instead of being dependent on living in order to have many relationships. Can't you love someone else or are you dependent on him for happiness? Happiness comes from within, not from a relationship with anyone...including lovers, children or parents.
To Will, The same thing happens to anything a Company does not like in Washington...their lobbyists make it Poof and disappear. This is called the Nirvana of Republicans, their ideal situation, where Corporations run your lives.
To anonymous, if you don't have the courage to show yourself, how can we help you? Do not be ashamed to be human.
Anonymous, is what Lydia saying about you being a seeker of the Law Of One true?
ReplyDelete